You Make Me Lose Control
by Katerina Alberthane
Summary: Remus Lupin in the years after he loses all of his friends. Remus is friendless, jobless, and homeless...but he finds the one person who cares about him, but will she care when she finds out what he is? Can werewolves find true love? RemusOC


Searing pain shot through Remus Lupin's stomach. He groaned and turned over onto his back to stare at the sagging, chipped ceiling. He heard the scampering of rodent feet run across the floor and he sighed. Under normal circumstances, he would not mind a few rats, but they reminded him of Peter, which led to memories of James and Sirius. Tears welled up in his eyes, but he blinked them back defiantly.  He'd spend the last three years morning his lost friends, the only friends he has ever had, ever will have, it seemed. Another pain replaced the one in his stomach, a pain he knew well. He swallowed hard and turned to face the wall. He could deal with hunger pains and even the pain from his transformations, but the pain that gripped his heart now was something he just could not bear.

He lay there for hours, thinking of his friends, tears streaming unnoticed down his face.

"You have to stop this, Remus," he told himself, "they've been dead for three years now…"

"But what of Sirius?" another voice sneered, "he isn't dead, is he?"

"NO!" Remus shrieked and leapt from his bed. He put his head in his hands and moaned in mental anguish. The thought of Sirius betraying James was just too much for him.

Remus looked out his window, his mind far away.

"Sirius is dead." He said determinedly and stared at the crescent-shaped moon in the clear, starry sky.

He still had another week before it would be a full moon. His thoughts turned from his imprisoned former friend to his monthly problem. Remus didn't consider himself a control freak, but he did feel that everyone would want to be in control of his or her own thoughts and actions at the very least; and that was the one thing he did not have: control.

After the incident that left him utterly friendless and alone, Remus decided to ask Professor Albus Dumbledore for help. Remus felt he was a danger to society and all those around him without his friends to keep him under control during the full moon. So, he went back to Hogwarts to ask the famed headmaster for permission to once again use the Shrieking Shack. Headmaster Dumbledore had no problem with the former student reprising his role as the haunter of the shack in Hogsmeade.

Remus felt somewhat relieved since he always feared for others' safety while he was in transformation. He wasn't far from Hogwarts and Hogsmeade, but yet far enough that he had to apparate. He would generally appear in Hogsmeade about an hour before sundown and walk to Hogwarts and the Whomping Willow. Remus often had to resist the urge to explore his old school a little further, he wished he could turn back time and live his Hogwarts years over and over.

Remus had not had a job in over two months and time passed slowly for his idle hands and mind. He knew he was at least a month behind in his rent, and he had reached the point where he was, once again, completely out of money. He had been searching everywhere for a small job to sustain him for another month or two, but he had just about exhausted all of his options.

With all of the thoughts running through Remus's mind, he had completely forgotten that he was supposed to be sleeping. It was well past midnight, in fact it was almost morning.

"I guess I am a werewolf after all…" he said aloud and chuckled lightly. Remus felt relief as his eyelids grew heavier. He ran one of his hands through his cheek-level light brown hair and glanced at his cot. He heard his neighbor slam the door and yell something, but Remus did not know what. He sighed as he heard lots of activity and yells in through the wall.

"Drunk again, I see." He thought, rolling his eyes. Remus was very ashamed of himself in that moment.

"Look at yourself, Remus," the sneering voice said wickedly, "living alone in some rat house with low-life wizards and witches. You don't have a knut on you and you only have one more meal left…no family, no friends…You have nothing, Remus Lupin."

Remus sighed again, he knew that if he was a normal wizard, things would be much better for him.

"I would be successful and not poor. I would have friends…maybe even a girlfriend!" he thought and smiled at the thought and shook his head. "Ah, oh well, there's nothing I can do to change who I am."

He looked out the window and saw the moon disappearing in the emerging sunlight and he returned to his bed. Remus Lupin pulled the thread-bare sheet over him and put his head on his extremely flat pillow and instantly fell asleep.


End file.
